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Gaslighter

Definition and origin

“Gaslighting” is defined by Merriam-Webster as..

1. psychological manipulation of a person usually over an extended period of time that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories and typically leads to confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, uncertainty of one's emotional or mental stability, and a dependency on the perpetrator
2. the act or practice of grossly misleading someone especially for one's own advantage 

The term comes from a 1938 play, and following movies, in which, a husband deploys this sort of emotional/mental abuse to make his wife believe she is losing her mind.  This is a very real thing.  

Something I try to remember…no one is immune to being “gaslit”.  It’s a game of isolation and attrition.  If I can separate you from the world outside of my voice, I can force everything you hear to be filtered through my message, and therefore, over time, manipulate you to what I want you to believe.  If at the beginning, you believe you are not susceptible to such things, then you are doing the work for me.

Then there’s the other end of things…if I know that I’m susceptible, and I am trying to stay self aware, then I might be cautious to the point of hesitation and uncertainty, which is also doing the work for the person doing the “gaslighting”.

I do not think it is a coincidence that the term “Gaslighting” has become so popular in recent years.  With the accusations of “fake news”, “deepfake”, “deep state”, etc also being brought to the forefront of politics and U.S. Society, “Gaslighting” gets thrown in by both sides.

It’s a dangerous time we are in.  With it feeling so difficult to confirm information, it’s quite easy for someone to be overtly manipulative and still not be questioned or held accountable.  When we are not able to find certainty, we hesitate.  Hesitation creates opportunity for the manipulator to get (and do) what they want before anyone is the wiser.  

What’s special about trump/maga?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m under no illusion that this is some wildly new phenomenon.  People in power have used this sort of tactic for a long time.  It’s a basic tactical approach to gain advantage.  We see it in every sports competition.  The difference I would point out is that, “sport” is game and cerebral, and the objective is to outmaneuver your opponent.  In leadership, your constituents should not be manipulated and evaded in such a way.  

With donald trump and maga making outrageous claims without providing any true evidence, and news outlets hesitating to call it out for fear of retribution, we are having to find a way to trust our own judgement, and our discernment, with the understanding that facts are difficult to confirm.  So, it is much easier to just do nothing, and stay quiet, and let the machine roll on. 

I believe trump/maga identified “weak spots” in our system (for every system has them), and are brazenly exploiting them.  Our system moves slowly, which isn’t necessarily bad.  By moving more slowly and deliberately, the details can be examined and more accurate assessments can be made.  The weakness is, if I can move faster the system can track me, I can restructure the system to my design before it has any opportunity to course correct.  

In a more real time example…

• Completing gutting federal safeguards and/or overwhelming them to make it nearly impossible to stop potential law-breaking due to the sheer amount of time and energy it takes to review things.  trump’s bringing in DOGE, his constant attacks on any facet of the government that does not go in his favor, ect.
• If I’m president, and I don’t want to be held accountable for some things I have done, I push to change the rules to my advantage (you know, sort of like having “Presidential Immunity”, which trump pursued and was granted).  
• Or, being able to swing clear of being investigated for being a part of the largest sex-trafficking case in history by simply declaring I am "exonerated", and my followers obeying immediately (you know, like the Epstein case).  
• OR, I manage to control the outcome of elections by declaring the voter system is being “rigged” if it doesn’t go my way, and “fixed” if it does. (You know, like he has said multiple times).

One last comment on gaslighting…someone that will not acknowledge any accountability for a bad situation, is a MAJOR red flag.  Just consider, if I’m trying to control you, I need you to believe that I know exactly what I’m talking about, and that there is no chance I can be at fault, despite your senses tingling with doubt.  With that in mind, have you ever heard trump acknowledge any sort of wrong doing?  Ever?  I haven’t.  Doesn’t that seem strange? Have you ever heard any of his maga followers question his accountability?  If they did, did he keep them in his “honored company”?  

The Song

Initially written around 2020 and 2021, this song has gone through quite a transition in the last 6 years.  The primary theme of calling out those that attempt to deliberately manipulate and confuse others for personal/political gain, has remained the same.

When I first wrote “Gaslighter”, I was approaching it from a more empathetic angle.  I had strong feelings about things happening in the world around us, and I wrote the song as an attempt to reign in those feelings.  I was trying to show understanding for the 2 opposing sides of an idea, and have empathy for both. Instead of drawing a direct line in the sand (so to speak), I wanted to show that both sides seem to feel the same way about each other.  I think I was hoping it would help things make sense, and feel less scary.  At the time, trump was leaving office, and my fear of immediate threats was somewhat diminished.  In that way, it was easier to be empathetic with those that I disagreed with.

To be clear, my belief is that donald trump is (and has been for many years) gaslighting the country and the world in many ways.  He is a well documented liar, and yet he does not hesitate to double-down on falsities and double-standards.  Want some examples?  Here’s a couple of easy ones…

1. He swore Harris would get us into a new war, while he would never do such a thing…we are now in a new war
2. He said he would go after those in the Epstein files.  He said it was all democrats in the files.  No one has been arrested/detained/prosecuted by the U.S. in connection to the files.  Furthermore, the most named person in them to date…donald j trump
3. He’s made multiple statements that voter fraud is rampant, while providing zero evidence.  Furthermore, he has maintained the stance that the system was rigged in the 2020 elections, but not in the 2024 election.  He went as far as saying if he wins, the elections is not rigged, and if he loses, the election is rigged.

I also believe that I (and everyone else) do not know everything, and that I can be wrong.  This sort of self awareness can be dangerous for your health if you’re dealing with a true gaslighter.  By knowing I could be wrong, I tend to listen to input and question my decisions.  Not a bad thing on its own, but when the input is meant to make you lose trust in yourself and your instincts, this can cause one to follow out of fear and ignore obvious warning signs.

With that being said, my initial approach to writing “Gaslighter” only really led to more anxiety and frustration.   I eventually quit playing the song all together.  Along with the song making me feel more unbalanced, it felt less relevant after trump’s 1st term ended. 

As time ticked by from 2020-2025, I watched the swell of trump’s momentum continue to build without missing a beat.  Predictably, he stayed at the forefront of far-right followers.  Losing the election had bolstered his ability to misdirect the people with unfounded claims of martyrdom.  I watched people I was close to clinch tighter to ideas trump put forward (election fraud, aligning with known far-right extremist, villainizing any that have a following and spoke against him, being the victim of numerous “witch hunts”, etc).  By the time 2025 began and trump re-took office, the song had become important to me again.  The problem was that it still felt unsettling for me.  

My original lyrics that were meant to show empathy and help connect, had lost the little bit of true direction they had in the beginning.  I decided to rewrite it in a more true representation of how I was feeling. I decided to be unapologetic in my stance.  The actual lyrical changes did not change song structure or melody, they were quite simple really.  It’s the intent behind them that took the dramatic shift.  

Make no mistake, if you are a trump supporter reading this, this song is not meant to “change your mind”.  I have no illusions that will happen.  This song is for the people that have felt the gaslighters (and there are a very many of them) pulling them away from their instincts and from trusting what they are seeing in front of them. Such as:  

• Government sanctioned kidnapping by masked agents pulling people off the street, and putting them in undisclosed locations is NOT “getting the dangerous people out”. It’s a tactic to remove those that do not fit a specific vision (i.e. being white).
• Increasing voting regulations with no actual data supporting the claims of “vast voter fraud”.  From a conservative standpoint…more regulation is typically NOT what you want, and yet, we are being controlled more by the day.
• Fighting “for women” while simultaneously taking away healthcare options, voting options, and covering up what is likely the largest and most high-profile sex-trafficking ring discovered in modern history (and happens to include the sitting president in A LOT of it).

In Summation…

“Gaslighter” is meant to help remind myself why I’m speaking out, and to act as a pep-talk on days that I find myself less confident in my senses and my instincts.  I can only hope that it will be helpful to anyone else feeling the same.  

Lyrics

This white good ‘ole boy

Sittin’ on a box and tuggin’ at the strings

“He don’t mean no harm” but why would he lie and manipulate

He takes from this and he points to that

And says we imagined everything, yeah

It’s ok to think for yourself

When the change the rules think for yourself and hold the line

The gaslight has gone down, it’s not just in your head and you don’t

Owe them anything at all.

These white good ‘ole boys

Walking in the crowd and throwing quite the fit

Doin’ what their daddies done

Putting on a mask and loading up their guns

And that’s the end of my empathy

For all the damage being done, yeah,

It’s ok to think for yourself,

When they change the rules think for yourself and hold the line

The gaslight has gone down, it’s not just in your head and you don’t

Owe them anything at all.

No, you don’t owe them anything at all

Making us feel crazy

(Ingrid, you’re not crazy after all the gaslight has gone out)

That’s what they want

(Ingrid, you’re not crazy after all the gaslight has gone out)

But we’re not crazy

(Ingrid, you’re not crazy after all the gaslight has gone out)

For pushing back with all our might and all our heart..

This white good ‘ole boy

Sitting on his throne and tugging at the strings

You say “He don’t mean no harm”

You’re kidding yourself if you believe

He takes from this and he points to that

And says we imagined everything..

He takes from this and he points to that

And says we imagined everything..

He takes from us and he points to them

And says we imagined everything…

He’ll take from you and point to me,

And say we imagined everything.

Inspired by

1. Pearl Jam
2. Rage Against the Machine
3. Gaslighter (film) starring Ingred Bergman
4. Bob Dylan
5. Neill Young
6. Run the Jewels

“What’s with the facepaint?” (as of July 2026)

As you might have imagined, I get asked this question a fair amount.  

Like many things, there are a number of different reasons I use facepaint.  Some reasons are surface-level and very simple, and some are a bit heavier and more complex.  

In the name of transparency, and Disability Pride Month, I figured I’d elaborate.  

Before getting into it all, I think it’s important to note that some things take time to work their way out and, as I write this, I’m not totally sure I have a full grasp of my drive to use the paint.  Some of the reasons I’ll list below overlap, or may seem contradictory, but they are parts of me that just “know” it’s what I’m supposed to be doing, and I want to allow those parts space to create without having to justify it.

With that being said, I’ll start with what I think is an obvious influence…

1. Heavy Metal, Art Rock, Comic Books, & Professional Wrestling.  

Since I can remember, I’ve enjoyed comic books, fantasy stories, and theatrics.  Whether is was reading the newest and weirdest comic book I could find as a pre-teen, getting sucked into the story and aesthetics of fantasy or horror film, watching Finn Balor crawl to the ring in his demon paint, or watching David Bowie perform in any of his characters, I have always loved an enigmatic character.  Half the fun for me was in trying to figure out what they were doing, and what they were about to do.

I do not claim to be on the same level as my influences, but rather, I hope my approach is a humble compliment to them.  If at any point, I leave someone asking, “what the hell  is going on?”, then it’s a success for me.  

Without going into detail, here are few of the major influences I pulled from in some form or another.  If you aren’t familiar with them, you should check them out:

• Finn Balor (WWE wrestling name), aka Prince Devitt (Independent wrestling name)
• David Bowie
• Comic books from the late 80s to the early 90s
• Horror movies in general
• Tool

With this in mind, let’s dive a bit deeper….Let’s talk about, Attention…

2. Attention

Having a physical disability can be a very isolated and distanced experience, despite efforts to connect and fit in.  It certainly brings its own truckload of baggage to daily living.

A bit of that baggage is, one living with a physical disability is never at a loss for attention (both passive and active) when in public.  For me, oftentimes it’s not the kind of attention I want.  It can feel full of pity, or sympathy.  It can feel harsh, and distant.  It can feel well-intended, but mis-guided.  It can be an invasion of personal space, or a quiet void in the crowd.

There are times it feels like paranoia. A feeling of being watched with no real evidence to show it, and yet other times, it’s painfully clear there is an audience.

Then, there are times that I actually do need help, times that I need to ask for assistance, times that I despise.  

Where I’m going with this is, I am not always able to control the attention I draw, but the facepaint gives me some control over it.  In a sense…dawning the facepaint is something that I “Do” to direct attention, a physical disability is something I “Have” that pulls attention.  

3. When is the mask on, and when is it off?

When I think about the facepaint and what it represents to me, I see the paint as a more true representation of myself.  For another way of looking at it, the paint is an un-masked version of me, as opposed to the version I am most days.  

I have always had a feeling of needing to fit in to the best of my ability.  This requires no small amount of self-awareness and focus on the environment around me.  In that way, I’m always wearing a mask of some sort in public.  My version of this is unique to me, but that does not mean my struggle is.  

My mask is one of normalcy, and equality, and the feeling that I’m lucky to be involved with the world around me at all.  Underneath that can be a feeling that I should be happy just to be allowed to be in the room with “the table”, much less have a seat at it.  This is a sentiment anyone in a disenfranchised community or group can likely relate to. 

By actively presenting in a way that causes me to “stick out” more, it helps me use that focus and energy in a different way, a way that feels more comforting and soothing than I can describe. 

4. It’s Fun

It really is fun to put on the facepaint.  It’s fun to look at a blank canvas before each show, and let it come together however it will.  Certainly, I’ve developed a bit of a guideline for the design, but each time is its own, and it will not be reproduced again once I take it off.  

Seeing blank stares turn into smiles from the beginning of the set to the end is a magical thing.  It really helps in supporting my belief that we are all just creatures of community and we are just trying to find ways to connect with something.  We may have glaring differences, but there are always going to be more commonalities.

And, that’s it in a nutshell.  Does any of this resonate with you?  Do you have a unique mask you put on to get through the days?

ALL OPINIONS ARE MY OWN, AND DO NOT REPRESENT ANY ORGANIZATION.  I SPEAK FOR MYSELF AND NO ONE ELSE.

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Sleep Now In the Fire - A humble cover
“Sleep Now in the Fire” - Written and recorded by Rage Against the Machine 
From the 1999 album “The Battle of Los Angeles”

If you are familiar with Rage Against the Machine, you know they were a very politically outspoken band.  It is this defiant energy that I hoped to tap into when I started working on the “FUmaga” EP.  While replicating the raw energy of Rage feels virtually impossible, their drive and their intentions are things that I felt were accessible.  

Part of why I chose this song, specifically, was to set the tone from the beginning of the album.  I feel like I’ve been fairly transparent and outspoken against trump, maga, and the social inequalities happening around us, but I want there to be no question moving forward.  Just like I wanted there to be no question about exactly what the album represents. “Sleep Now in the Fire” sets a sarcastic, angry, and satirical tone that I try to maintain throughout.

Lyrically, the song is as prophetic as it is satirical.  It paints the picture of a person in pursuit of only power and with no regard or consideration for those they are meant to be serving; or those that fervently support them, for that matter.  This also appears to be THE definition of donald trump, based on his behavior.  

As in my last blog, I’m not going to go into all the facts of why I feel the way I feel.  It’s easy to find information supporting my stance, if you care to do your own looking.  My only request, think about the source of your information.  Is it credible?  Does it placate to maga with no real data?  

I repeat, don’t take my word for it, I’d urge everyone to do their own research and use their own discernment.  

In the meantime, he burns everything to sit by his own warm fire, and we sleep, restlessly.

A portion of the proceeds made from purchasing this song will go to the Nashville International Center for Empowerment, or NICE (https://www.empowernashville.org/).  I chose to donate to this organization as a direct response to donald trump and maga’s actions against the immigrant and refugee community in our country.  These are people just trying to make it.  If we (the United States) are as pious and righteous as we want the world to believe we are, shouldn’t we want to bring up others around us instead of posturing as some dominant force meant to be feared?

Read below to learn more about NICE and what they do for the community. 

Nashville International Center for Empowerment (NICE)
MISSION - Nashville International Center for Empowerment’s mission is to ensure refugees and immigrants achieve their full potential now and for generations to come. Our goal is to empower refugees and immigrants with resources and opportunities that will aid them in their resettlement and equip them to be successful in the future.
 

We do this by:

• Advocating for refugees and immigrants
• Building strong community of relationships
• Creating sustainable service programs
• Developing partnerships in Middle Tennessee

ALL OPINIONS SHARED ARE MY OWN AND DO NOT REPRESENT ANY OTHER ORGANIZATIONS.

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About my next EP, “FUmaga”
My introduction to political/protest music was Rage Against the Machine.  The album “Evil Empire” is the 1st time I recall listening to music and truly understanding that the artist was speaking against oppression and fascism.  I did not know the details they were speaking about a lot of the time, but I knew they were standing for communities that were under attack against something bigger and I knew that I had a deep response to it.  I feel like this response is a part of what led me to be a social worker.

I may not have always understood the context of their songs, but I understood what it meant to not be understood.  I didn’t understand my own privilege, but having a physical limitation, I understood what it felt like to be viewed as “less than” in comparison to others.  I didn’t understand how opposite Rage Against the Machine’s ideas were to the community I grew up in, but I understood that racism (along with sexism and other fearful, bigoted beliefs) were a very real and powerful thing in the U.S.

As I’ve aged, I have begun to understand the deeper mental and emotional toll these take on a person.

These ideas drove me to releasing “FUmaga”
 

What is “FUmaga”?

“FUmaga” is a protest album, plain and simple.  An homage to artists like Rage Against the Machine, Bob Dylan, Neill Young, System of a Down, and the like.  A cathartic exercise in speaking out.  A painfully aware whisper into a void.

From a technical standpoint, it’s quite raw, as I have felt an urgency to do (and say) something now and in the moment.  With that in mind, I tried to focus on “feel” more than “refinement” during the recordings.  So, there’s bumps and scratches here and there and I’m good with that.  Perhaps I’ll re-record some of the album later with a more refined process, but right now, I wanted to get it recorded and released.

Why this, why “FUmaga”, why now?
It felt important to be direct and clear in what I’m saying in this album.  I am naturally an empathic person, which means, even when I strongly disagree with someone, I can often understand their thinking and how they got to where they are.  At the same time, this little trait of mine can make it difficult for me to clearly state my own beliefs and my thoughts if they are oppositional to others around me.  
Over the last 10+ years, I’ve felt a growing urge to speak against things happening in the U.S.  Not because I believe I carry such influence that I will change anyone’s mind.  It’s more about my personal values and principles.  

A particularly challenging thing in the last 15 years or so for me has been the balance of:  

• Acknowledging that there are different perspectives, and they are relevant
• Making a definitive statement about my perspective
• The realization that sometimes things go beyond simply having different perspectives and 2 things being “right” at the same time.  Sometimes, there is no explaining away reality with “seeing things differently”.  Sometimes, there is something wrong happening and that’s just what it is.  

When I think about the moral high-ground the U.S. has built its historical narrative around, I think about immigrants being kidnapped by the government, LGBTQIA+ rights being taken, women’s rights being taken, the inhumane treatment of so many of our citizens, and our electing and protecting of a (found guilty in our courts) rapist.  I think about these things, and the absurdity of it all, and I fear the future.  

I think one of the scariest parts of this is that we have always been this way, it’s just more overt now than it’s been at other times in my life (or maybe I’m more aware).  I grew up in a community with very racist and bigoted beliefs.  I know from my own experience that these beliefs have not gone away.  I also know from reading and studying and living away from “home”, that my experience does not represent any sort of social anomaly.  If it did, we would not have people like marsha blackburn and bill lee and cameron sexton running the state of Tennessee, and we would not have people like donald trump holding the office of president of the United States.  

I won’t go into all the data supporting my beliefs. It feels like that moment may have passed, and many people appear to be beyond accepting information and changing their stance.  I fear we are at a point where people need to “feel” the repercussions of what is happening before they will welcome any change.  Maybe I’m wrong, I hope I am.  But it’s hard to believe that when donald trump is able to convince people he was cheated out of an election with no actual data/evidence to show it; when despite proof, people believe all immigrants (except the white ones) are rapists and violent criminals; and that even though the LGBTQIA+ community has been around since the dawn of humankind, people still refuse to accept them as human beings.

In short…I believe trump and his ilk are U.S. history incarnate.  They are the victors ever playing the victim, only to justify being the oppressor all over again.  With that being said, I do believe the U.S. could be a beacon of hope and leadership in the world.  One that connects us and pushes all around us to be better (including ourselves), but right now, we are not that.  Right now, we are more like the self-righteous bully on the playground that thinks intimidation and power-over is leadership.

I do not know how all of this ends.  I am hopeful that things will turn out for the better in the end, I’m just not optimistic about the collateral damage it will take (and has already taken) to get there.  Either way, I want to be able to say that when I felt something wrong was happening, I said something, even if I was late to the party (as I’m wont to do). 

What are you doing about it, other than yelling into a microphone?
A portion of the proceeds made from the album will go to non-profit organizations, with special focus on supporting immigrants, refugees, the LGBTQIA+ community, and violent crime victims.