“What’s with the facepaint?” (as of July 2026)

As you might have imagined, I get asked this question a fair amount.  

Like many things, there are a number of different reasons I use facepaint.  Some reasons are surface-level and very simple, and some are a bit heavier and more complex.  

In the name of transparency, and Disability Pride Month, I figured I’d elaborate.  

Before getting into it all, I think it’s important to note that some things take time to work their way out and, as I write this, I’m not totally sure I have a full grasp of my drive to use the paint.  Some of the reasons I’ll list below overlap, or may seem contradictory, but they are parts of me that just “know” it’s what I’m supposed to be doing, and I want to allow those parts space to create without having to justify it.

With that being said, I’ll start with what I think is an obvious influence…

1. Heavy Metal, Art Rock, Comic Books, & Professional Wrestling.  

Since I can remember, I’ve enjoyed comic books, fantasy stories, and theatrics.  Whether is was reading the newest and weirdest comic book I could find as a pre-teen, getting sucked into the story and aesthetics of fantasy or horror film, watching Finn Balor crawl to the ring in his demon paint, or watching David Bowie perform in any of his characters, I have always loved an enigmatic character.  Half the fun for me was in trying to figure out what they were doing, and what they were about to do.

I do not claim to be on the same level as my influences, but rather, I hope my approach is a humble compliment to them.  If at any point, I leave someone asking, “what the hell  is going on?”, then it’s a success for me.  

Without going into detail, here are few of the major influences I pulled from in some form or another.  If you aren’t familiar with them, you should check them out:

• Finn Balor (WWE wrestling name), aka Prince Devitt (Independent wrestling name)
• David Bowie
• Comic books from the late 80s to the early 90s
• Horror movies in general
• Tool

With this in mind, let’s dive a bit deeper….Let’s talk about, Attention…

2. Attention

Having a physical disability can be a very isolated and distanced experience, despite efforts to connect and fit in.  It certainly brings its own truckload of baggage to daily living.

A bit of that baggage is, one living with a physical disability is never at a loss for attention (both passive and active) when in public.  For me, oftentimes it’s not the kind of attention I want.  It can feel full of pity, or sympathy.  It can feel harsh, and distant.  It can feel well-intended, but mis-guided.  It can be an invasion of personal space, or a quiet void in the crowd.

There are times it feels like paranoia. A feeling of being watched with no real evidence to show it, and yet other times, it’s painfully clear there is an audience.

Then, there are times that I actually do need help, times that I need to ask for assistance, times that I despise.  

Where I’m going with this is, I am not always able to control the attention I draw, but the facepaint gives me some control over it.  In a sense…dawning the facepaint is something that I “Do” to direct attention, a physical disability is something I “Have” that pulls attention.  

3. When is the mask on, and when is it off?

When I think about the facepaint and what it represents to me, I see the paint as a more true representation of myself.  For another way of looking at it, the paint is an un-masked version of me, as opposed to the version I am most days.  

I have always had a feeling of needing to fit in to the best of my ability.  This requires no small amount of self-awareness and focus on the environment around me.  In that way, I’m always wearing a mask of some sort in public.  My version of this is unique to me, but that does not mean my struggle is.  

My mask is one of normalcy, and equality, and the feeling that I’m lucky to be involved with the world around me at all.  Underneath that can be a feeling that I should be happy just to be allowed to be in the room with “the table”, much less have a seat at it.  This is a sentiment anyone in a disenfranchised community or group can likely relate to. 

By actively presenting in a way that causes me to “stick out” more, it helps me use that focus and energy in a different way, a way that feels more comforting and soothing than I can describe. 

4. It’s Fun

It really is fun to put on the facepaint.  It’s fun to look at a blank canvas before each show, and let it come together however it will.  Certainly, I’ve developed a bit of a guideline for the design, but each time is its own, and it will not be reproduced again once I take it off.  

Seeing blank stares turn into smiles from the beginning of the set to the end is a magical thing.  It really helps in supporting my belief that we are all just creatures of community and we are just trying to find ways to connect with something.  We may have glaring differences, but there are always going to be more commonalities.

And, that’s it in a nutshell.  Does any of this resonate with you?  Do you have a unique mask you put on to get through the days?

ALL OPINIONS SHARED ARE MY OWN AND DO NOT REPRESENT ANY OTHER ORGANIZATIONS.

You can purchase merchandise HERE (Redbubble page)

About my next EP, “FUmaga”
My introduction to political/protest music was Rage Against the Machine.  The album “Evil Empire” is the 1st time I recall listening to music and truly understanding that the artist was speaking against oppression and fascism.  I did not know the details they were speaking about a lot of the time, but I knew they were standing for communities that were under attack against something bigger and I knew that I had a deep response to it.  I feel like this response is a part of what led me to be a social worker.

I may not have always understood the context of their songs, but I understood what it meant to not be understood.  I didn’t understand my own privilege, but having a physical limitation, I understood what it felt like to be viewed as “less than” in comparison to others.  I didn’t understand how opposite Rage Against the Machine’s ideas were to the community I grew up in, but I understood that racism (along with sexism and other fearful, bigoted beliefs) were a very real and powerful thing in the U.S.

As I’ve aged, I have begun to understand the deeper mental and emotional toll these take on a person.

These ideas drove me to releasing “FUmaga”
 

What is “FUmaga”?

“FUmaga” is a protest album, plain and simple.  An homage to artists like Rage Against the Machine, Bob Dylan, Neill Young, System of a Down, and the like.  A cathartic exercise in speaking out.  A painfully aware whisper into a void.

From a technical standpoint, it’s quite raw, as I have felt an urgency to do (and say) something now and in the moment.  With that in mind, I tried to focus on “feel” more than “refinement” during the recordings.  So, there’s bumps and scratches here and there and I’m good with that.  Perhaps I’ll re-record some of the album later with a more refined process, but right now, I wanted to get it recorded and released.

Why this, why “FUmaga”, why now?
It felt important to be direct and clear in what I’m saying in this album.  I am naturally an empathic person, which means, even when I strongly disagree with someone, I can often understand their thinking and how they got to where they are.  At the same time, this little trait of mine can make it difficult for me to clearly state my own beliefs and my thoughts if they are oppositional to others around me.  
Over the last 10+ years, I’ve felt a growing urge to speak against things happening in the U.S.  Not because I believe I carry such influence that I will change anyone’s mind.  It’s more about my personal values and principles.  

A particularly challenging thing in the last 15 years or so for me has been the balance of:  

• Acknowledging that there are different perspectives, and they are relevant
• Making a definitive statement about my perspective
• The realization that sometimes things go beyond simply having different perspectives and 2 things being “right” at the same time.  Sometimes, there is no explaining away reality with “seeing things differently”.  Sometimes, there is something wrong happening and that’s just what it is.  

When I think about the moral high-ground the U.S. has built its historical narrative around, I think about immigrants being kidnapped by the government, LGBTQIA+ rights being taken, women’s rights being taken, the inhumane treatment of so many of our citizens, and our electing and protecting of a (found guilty in our courts) rapist.  I think about these things, and the absurdity of it all, and I fear the future.  

I think one of the scariest parts of this is that we have always been this way, it’s just more overt now than it’s been at other times in my life (or maybe I’m more aware).  I grew up in a community with very racist and bigoted beliefs.  I know from my own experience that these beliefs have not gone away.  I also know from reading and studying and living away from “home”, that my experience does not represent any sort of social anomaly.  If it did, we would not have people like marsha blackburn and bill lee and cameron sexton running the state of Tennessee, and we would not have people like donald trump holding the office of president of the United States.  

I won’t go into all the data supporting my beliefs. It feels like that moment may have passed, and many people appear to be beyond accepting information and changing their stance.  I fear we are at a point where people need to “feel” the repercussions of what is happening before they will welcome any change.  Maybe I’m wrong, I hope I am.  But it’s hard to believe that when donald trump is able to convince people he was cheated out of an election with no actual data/evidence to show it; when despite proof, people believe all immigrants (except the white ones) are rapists and violent criminals; and that even though the LGBTQIA+ community has been around since the dawn of humankind, people still refuse to accept them as human beings.

In short…I believe trump and his ilk are U.S. history incarnate.  They are the victors ever playing the victim, only to justify being the oppressor all over again.  With that being said, I do believe the U.S. could be a beacon of hope and leadership in the world.  One that connects us and pushes all around us to be better (including ourselves), but right now, we are not that.  Right now, we are more like the self-righteous bully on the playground that thinks intimidation and power-over is leadership.

I do not know how all of this ends.  I am hopeful that things will turn out for the better in the end, I’m just not optimistic about the collateral damage it will take (and has already taken) to get there.  Either way, I want to be able to say that when I felt something wrong was happening, I said something, even if I was late to the party (as I’m wont to do). 

What are you doing about it, other than yelling into a microphone?
A portion of the proceeds made from the album will go to non-profit organizations, with special focus on supporting immigrants, refugees, the LGBTQIA+ community, and violent crime victims.  

 

Below is a letter I sent via email to my representatives ahead of the Senate vote on the SAVE America Act.  Communicating with our representatives is one of the ways to show dissent, or support, for whatever they are working towards.  Does it guarantee any change? Absolutely not.  However, it is a documented way to show they are not as supported as they say, and that their logic is broken.  And therefore, I've decided to start sharing my communications with these lawmakers pubicly.  I'm not sure how often I'll do this.

If you are interested in communing with your Representative, you can find them here…

Find your U.S. Congress Representatives

Senator,

My name is Garrett DeVaughn.  I am a constituent of Nashville TN.

I am writing to beg, urge, and demand you oppose the SAVE voting act.  

I have found NO EVIDENCE of voter fraud other than Donald Trump making claims for the past 10+ years.  With no evidence of voter fraud, there is no reasonable purpose for the SAVE act to be put in place.  Therefore, the only logical reasoning for it would then be to control the voting, and control the outcome of the upcoming elections.  

As citizens, we have the RIGHT to vote.  We should not have to pay to vote.  Many people do not have Passports.  Many married females in the country took the surname of their husband, and now their ID does not match their birth certificate.  Leaving them needing to acquire a passport, or go through the process of updating information within the system.  Neither of these options are fast and neither are free.  

I recently PURCHASED a passport.  The cost was around $150.  Citizens should not have to PURCHASE voting identification.  We are citizens regardless of our income bracket.  I also recently had to replace my birth certificate, which was also not free.

If you can provide some actual, verified evidence of voter fraud, I would very much like to see it, as it might change my stance on the situation.  However, as it is, I can not see how in good conscience you can support the SAVE act.

I would like a response.  I have ZERO faith that you will take any of this into account.  Your track record has proven that you will do whatever donald trump (or his cohort) tell you to do.  I would love to be proven wrong.

Prologue

What follows is a collection of details from reports and testimonies originating in regions separated by over 6,000km in distance, and stretching across centuries of time.  

No one source is directly connected to another.  Like many events in the history of humankind, the most accepted interpretation is provided by the side that withstands the test of time.  For we do not see the discrepancies laid out in our retelling until we start to examine very closely.  

Take from this what you will, for it is by no means complete and there are more questions than answers.  This acknowledgement notwithstanding, there is room to question the primary narrative of Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer.

---

Event witnessed from GorakShep & Everest Camp II

• Source: Unexplainable Events and Modern Myths (1980, December Edition)
• Author: Ruby Gundheva 
• Note: Information gathered primarily from archived editions of the Mumbai Samachar, and the Times of India

A phenomenon occurred in the Northeast of Nepal in 1948.  While this phenomenon is not widely heard of, in the village of GorakShep, it is accepted as an unexplained truth.

The story goes, at approximately midnight on 12/24/1948, GorakShep residents reported an unusually strong storm of snow and thunder.  Witnesses report seeing a red glow through the weather that approached from the East, arced North and appeared to be circling back toward the peaks of Mount Everest and Lhotse.  

On the same date and near the same time, a small expedition of experienced climbers (which included sherpa from GorakShep) were at Everest Camp II preparing to attempt a rare winter summit.  Sherpa reported seeing a red glow through the sky that approached rapidly from the West. After the red glow passed over Camp II, it appeared to move clockwise around the summit of Everest.  The glow was strong enough that the climbers could see it shimmering from the opposite side of the peak of Everest.  They report the glow suddenly vanished.  Moments later, a small avalanche flowed onto the camp, with no injuries reported.  However, some supplies were lost.  Consequently, this incident ended the expedition and the climbers descended the mountain the following morning. 

The entire event lasted only a few moments, and there have been no other reports of this nature, before or after 12/24/1948. There has been no formal explanation to these events.  Many do not believe the story of what happened, despite multiple reports from witnesses in different locations near Mount Everest. 

Strange findings along the East Face of Mount Everest.  

• Source: Global Alpinist Journal (GAJ), April 2019 edition
• Author: Lizbetha Maghar
• Title: A recent expedition on Mt Everest’s Kangshung Face meets disaster 

While making a 1st attempt at a newly mapped route between the Southeast Pillar, East Face and Integral N.E. Ridge routes of Mount Everest, an avalanche tragically ended the expedition and left only 2 survivors. This new path on the Kangshung Face of Everest, until recently, had been covered by ice and snow.  After speaking with leading environmentalists, it is believed that with continued global ice melting, new crevices have opened and led to the discovery of never before mapped routes.  

The 2 survivors report a strange discovery just before the catastrophe struck.  As they climbed into an ice crevice, they report finding (what appeared to be) the remains of several small quadruped creatures, and one human.  The creatures appeared to be tethered by leather straps.  Along with these remains, they report seeing many pieces of petrified wood that appeared to be splintered.  

Thus far, authorities cannot explain how these remains could have achieved this height of the Kangshung face. Known for being an extremely challenging side of the mountain, it does not seem possible that any creatures could have climbed so far alone, much less tethered together. 

Many details of the catastrophe are unclear at this point.  Based on statements from the 2 survivors, an avalanche was triggered and most of the 10 person party was lost to the crevice.  

Both survivors report that before the mountaineers were able to assess the remains they discovered, a rumble was heard from deeper in the ice.  Moments later, the section of the crevice the party was in began to quake, and an avalanche dumped thousands of pounds of snow and ice into the crevice.  The survivors stated the entire party fell into the deep. They report only surviving for the fact that they were both closest to the lower edge of the collapsing section and landed on an internal shelf of the ice that held.   

Though they survived the fall, both had serious injuries.  One a broken tibia, and the other a separated shoulder, along with both sustaining multiple other injuries.  All of their supplies were lost to the deep chasm, however, within reach of the ledge they discovered some pieces of the petrified wood along with some straps of the leather found with the remains.  Using the leather and wood, the survivors set their injuries and were able to climb out of the gap together.  Both are expected to be hospitalized while they recover, and have not been made available for commenting further.

UPDATE:  In regards to the leather straps and petrified wood found in the crevice.  Authorities have tested the leather straps, and the DNA matches to 98% of common reindeer.  Assessments of the wood pieces connect them to the Lepidodendron, a tree species that is now extinct.  The investigation is ongoing, but authorities have stopped releasing any further details, and are no longer responding to inquiries.  

North Pole expedition looking for answers and solutions to melting Polar Ice 

• Source: The Environmental Dilemma, July 2011 edition
• Author:  Greta Murie
• Title: North Pole expedition looking for answers and solutions to melting Polar Ice  

A group of scientists (composed of leading scientists from several disciplines and nationalities) completed an expedition to the North Pole to study the effects of increased melting of the North Pole’s Ice Cap.  The hope was to test the make up of previously covered ice layers, compared to the top layers.  

While the team was able to collect the data they set out for, the expedition itself took an unexpected turn.  Upon reaching the Geographic North Pole, the team began inspecting an ice ridge that had undergone significant change. Based on previous data, the ridge had decreased in height by approximately 4.8 meters.  As they assessed the ridge, they found a structure only 5 meters beneath the ice.  The structure consisted of some wood, but mostly clay walls.  Initial testing shows the structure to be from before 14,000 years ago.

After investigating other ridges nearby, multiple structures matching the same time period were found.  Most were collapsed in and the team was not able to safely enter and explore these structures.  

However, the 1st building discovered was still standing and the team was able to enter with an acceptable level of risk.  Within the structure, evidence was found that appeared to confirm a small, remote, and ancient civilization. 

Tools were found that appear to be for building and simple construction.  The tools were made of what appears to be some form of unknown metal.  

There were many straps of very old leather.  DNA testing confirmed the straps are made of hide from a deer-like animal. 

The most puzzling piece of evidence was found within a wooden box that had been preserved by the ice.  The box was found beneath what appeared to be flooring, and seem to indicate it was deliberately hidden, and it was covered with intricate carvings and wording that appeared to be some form of Koine Greek.  

Within the box were over 100 scrolls.  Testing confirmed the scrolls were made of a parchment consisting of an organic material matching closely the DNA of Human Beings.  

Most of the scrolls were too damaged by time to read.  However, from the few that were decipherable, linguistic experts have attempted to piece together a historical timeline.  While a great deal of further analysis is needed, it appears some of the scrolls may date back thousands of years and the most recent date translated being approximately 1948 AD.

Below are transcriptions (as closely as can be guessed) of the decipherable scrolls…

Scrolls translation

Scroll 1 - Dates referenced are from before 14,000 BC and appear to depict origins of the civilization, along with some major shift. The language changes and evolves along the scroll.

• The yellow sun’s first dawning, and we were awakened.
• Our way is to be curious.  We do not fear the world …many long journeys to explore far away lands and peoples…always return home. 
• ...An awe-filled world… Joy in the variations of life…variations are strength.
• A strange man has arrived with nothing and starving.  We will bring him away from the brink.
• He remains.  In our travels … his name was known in some places.  By most of these … he is a charitable and giving man. Some share tales of a darkness rarely seen
• He is changing…speaking of an end of time … he bade us … isolate ourselves from the rest of the world, and trust only in him.  He urges a fearfulness of all outsiders … through fear and confusion, we are changing.
• Once we were a joyful people … we have become harsh and colder than the elements around us.  We are afraid. We gave our joy for safety, it is not real.
• He craves adoration.  He plays a deity.  Some play in adoration to survive. The others grow smaller … they try not to be seen.
• He aims to rule all … destroy any that oppose … slow draining and breaking of spirit and body, we have all fallen.
• We strive to maintain our lineage but it provides him sustenance and entertainment.  
• We yearn for the corn and wheat of our ancestors, but there is none here.  No warmth, no heart, no escape.

Scroll 2 - Appears to be a diary from a shepherd of some sort, using a more form of greek (compared to the 1st scroll).

• The deer have grown restless and angry.  The ravings of Lord Nicholas have an intense effect on the animals.  They follow his moods and orders without hesitation… no regard for severity and barbarism.  They wear their harnesses with a look of pride … they forget what the leather straps were born of.  There are no other animals here. 
• Before Lord Nicholas, they were gentle and loving beings.  We revered them as sacred. We do still … their brutality is difficult to watch.  I worry for them.
• A runt was born some months ago.  He was not expected to survive the winter, but he is of a sturdier nature than expected.  
• The weather is not his only abuser … He bends but never breaks.  
• His stature is smaller in every way.  He has unique markings … his fur shifts to a deep red towards his snout.  And even the flesh of his snout has a red tint.  At times I almost believe I see light coming from him. I do not know if I should hide this from Lord Nicholas.
• His Lordship discovered the little one.  He points it out as a weakness.  This is a point of ridicule for the other deer.  Lord Nicholas laughs.  
• Something in the little one’s eyes.  Something grows and moves, but he does not allow it to be seen … I see it’s shadow when his abusers are upon him … I fear what might happen should he ever let it out.

Scroll 3 - Tonight the 10 leave for their yearly journey

• Dusk is here, and the nine leave for the annual journey
• The weather is frightful
• Lord Nicholas has been advised not to take the journey
• He says he cannot be stopped, and we trust in his wisdom
• He is in the manger with the deer.  He is talking with the runt, we do not know what for
• The red faced runt will lead the journey.  Lord Nicholas will use its glow to traverse the elements
• Though he has ridiculed the runt to this day, he now praises its weakness. 
• What was 9, is now 10.  
• They are preparing to leave, and the air is heavy.
• The runt wears a smile … the deer shepherd appears afraid … they will not say what concerns them.
• There is an uneasiness everywhere
• The ten are gone into the white storm.
• Dawn approaches … no sign of the 10
• Lo, a single bell has been heard…
• One of the ten has returned … the runt without harness or sleigh or deer or his lordship … a new scar across his face and chest.
• The runt proclaims his name.  He is Rudolph the Red.
• What was 10, is now 1.
• We weep and give way to time and the inevitable end.

---

LYRICS

Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer

Had a very shiny nose

& if you ever saw it

You would even say it glows

All of the other reindeer 

Used to laugh and call him names

They never let poor Rudolph

Join in any reindeer games

Then one foggy xmas eve

Santa came to say

Rudolph with your nose so bright

Won’t you guide my sleigh tonight

What Santa didn’t know

Was that Rudolph kept a score

& this unexpected chance

Rudolph could not ignore

He’s Rudolph the red…

In the Northeast of Nepal

Rudolph ripped the harness from his chest

And he watched them all fall

Into the East Face of Everest

He’s Rudolph the Red,

He’s Rudolph the Red,

Led them all to their death,

‘Cause he’s Rudolph the Red

He’s Rudolph the Red,

He’s Rudolph the Red,

Led them all to their death, left them there for dead

‘Cause he’s Rudolph the Red, He’s Rudolph the Red!!