Below is a letter I sent via email to my representatives ahead of the Senate vote on the SAVE America Act.  Communicating with our representatives is one of the ways to show dissent, or support, for whatever they are working towards.  Does it guarantee any change? Absolutely not.  However, it is a documented way to show they are not as supported as they say, and that their logic is broken.  And therefore, I've decided to start sharing my communications with these lawmakers pubicly.  I'm not sure how often I'll do this.

If you are interested in communing with your Representative, you can find them here…

Find your U.S. Congress Representatives

Senator,

My name is Garrett DeVaughn.  I am a constituent of Nashville TN.

I am writing to beg, urge, and demand you oppose the SAVE voting act.  

I have found NO EVIDENCE of voter fraud other than Donald Trump making claims for the past 10+ years.  With no evidence of voter fraud, there is no reasonable purpose for the SAVE act to be put in place.  Therefore, the only logical reasoning for it would then be to control the voting, and control the outcome of the upcoming elections.  

As citizens, we have the RIGHT to vote.  We should not have to pay to vote.  Many people do not have Passports.  Many married females in the country took the surname of their husband, and now their ID does not match their birth certificate.  Leaving them needing to acquire a passport, or go through the process of updating information within the system.  Neither of these options are fast and neither are free.  

I recently PURCHASED a passport.  The cost was around $150.  Citizens should not have to PURCHASE voting identification.  We are citizens regardless of our income bracket.  I also recently had to replace my birth certificate, which was also not free.

If you can provide some actual, verified evidence of voter fraud, I would very much like to see it, as it might change my stance on the situation.  However, as it is, I can not see how in good conscience you can support the SAVE act.

I would like a response.  I have ZERO faith that you will take any of this into account.  Your track record has proven that you will do whatever donald trump (or his cohort) tell you to do.  I would love to be proven wrong.

I'll get right to it.  I am pulling my music from the Spotify platform.  There are a few factors that led to this decision.  

Mainly…the CEO Daniel Ek's donated €600 million investment in the European military AI firm Helsing.  

If I have to adopt a personal label, I am a pacifist.  I know that in the real world, violence is part of life, but I do not intend to add to it by supporting companies specializing in making money off killing machines.  Here's an article with more detail - https://www.npr.org/2025/09/09/nx-s1-5522297/musicians-leaving-spotify-protest-hotline-tnt-king-gizzard-and-the-lizard-wizard

Another reason for this departure is that Spotify has allowed AI to create bands/music and not labelled it as such.  Basically allowing streams to go to non-existent musicians and selling it as authentic human creation feels deliberately deceptive, and an attempt to keep streams going without actually having to pay artists for them.  Here's an article with an example - https://www.npr.org/2025/08/08/nx-s1-5492314/ai-music-streaming-services-spotify. 

It's worth noting, I'm not %100 against all AI.  I do believe there is space for AI to assist in creative solutions to complex problems we face, big and small.  For me, to put it very simply, it's a matter of balance and discernment.  For example, can AI's ability to collect, organize, and structure data help someone that has a cognitive impairment (for lack of a better word) learn? Yes, and I support that.  I do not support using it to replace teachers entirely, or artists entirely, or to find more “efficient” ways to kill.

You can still find my music on most other streaming services around the world.  If you use Spotify to listen to music, you can purchase a digital copy of my music on my website.  I also have vinyl for sale.  If you would like a vinyl copy, respond to me in this message, or go to my Bandcamp Page to purchase the album.

Should Spotify part ways with their CEO, or the CEO no longer support companies making weaponry, I will consider allowing my music back on Spotify.

Likewise, should Spotify decide to take more action in controlling AI driven “music/art”, I reserve the right to reconsider.

I'd like to add, that I have no expectation of change due to my actions.  I have a small following (if you can even call it that) and am an entirely unknown artist for a vast majority of the world.  However, I will sleep better knowing I'm standing for something.  

Further more, I do not judge anyone that continues to use Spotify.  We are all doing our best.  

The Mad Uke-Bard

Prologue

What follows is a collection of details from reports and testimonies originating in regions separated by over 6,000km in distance, and stretching across centuries of time.  

No one source is directly connected to another.  Like many events in the history of humankind, the most accepted interpretation is provided by the side that withstands the test of time.  For we do not see the discrepancies laid out in our retelling until we start to examine very closely.  

Take from this what you will, for it is by no means complete and there are more questions than answers.  This acknowledgement notwithstanding, there is room to question the primary narrative of Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer.

---

Event witnessed from GorakShep & Everest Camp II

• Source: Unexplainable Events and Modern Myths (1980, December Edition)
• Author: Ruby Gundheva 
• Note: Information gathered primarily from archived editions of the Mumbai Samachar, and the Times of India

A phenomenon occurred in the Northeast of Nepal in 1948.  While this phenomenon is not widely heard of, in the village of GorakShep, it is accepted as an unexplained truth.

The story goes, at approximately midnight on 12/24/1948, GorakShep residents reported an unusually strong storm of snow and thunder.  Witnesses report seeing a red glow through the weather that approached from the East, arced North and appeared to be circling back toward the peaks of Mount Everest and Lhotse.  

On the same date and near the same time, a small expedition of experienced climbers (which included sherpa from GorakShep) were at Everest Camp II preparing to attempt a rare winter summit.  Sherpa reported seeing a red glow through the sky that approached rapidly from the West. After the red glow passed over Camp II, it appeared to move clockwise around the summit of Everest.  The glow was strong enough that the climbers could see it shimmering from the opposite side of the peak of Everest.  They report the glow suddenly vanished.  Moments later, a small avalanche flowed onto the camp, with no injuries reported.  However, some supplies were lost.  Consequently, this incident ended the expedition and the climbers descended the mountain the following morning. 

The entire event lasted only a few moments, and there have been no other reports of this nature, before or after 12/24/1948. There has been no formal explanation to these events.  Many do not believe the story of what happened, despite multiple reports from witnesses in different locations near Mount Everest. 

Strange findings along the East Face of Mount Everest.  

• Source: Global Alpinist Journal (GAJ), April 2019 edition
• Author: Lizbetha Maghar
• Title: A recent expedition on Mt Everest’s Kangshung Face meets disaster 

While making a 1st attempt at a newly mapped route between the Southeast Pillar, East Face and Integral N.E. Ridge routes of Mount Everest, an avalanche tragically ended the expedition and left only 2 survivors. This new path on the Kangshung Face of Everest, until recently, had been covered by ice and snow.  After speaking with leading environmentalists, it is believed that with continued global ice melting, new crevices have opened and led to the discovery of never before mapped routes.  

The 2 survivors report a strange discovery just before the catastrophe struck.  As they climbed into an ice crevice, they report finding (what appeared to be) the remains of several small quadruped creatures, and one human.  The creatures appeared to be tethered by leather straps.  Along with these remains, they report seeing many pieces of petrified wood that appeared to be splintered.  

Thus far, authorities cannot explain how these remains could have achieved this height of the Kangshung face. Known for being an extremely challenging side of the mountain, it does not seem possible that any creatures could have climbed so far alone, much less tethered together. 

Many details of the catastrophe are unclear at this point.  Based on statements from the 2 survivors, an avalanche was triggered and most of the 10 person party was lost to the crevice.  

Both survivors report that before the mountaineers were able to assess the remains they discovered, a rumble was heard from deeper in the ice.  Moments later, the section of the crevice the party was in began to quake, and an avalanche dumped thousands of pounds of snow and ice into the crevice.  The survivors stated the entire party fell into the deep. They report only surviving for the fact that they were both closest to the lower edge of the collapsing section and landed on an internal shelf of the ice that held.   

Though they survived the fall, both had serious injuries.  One a broken tibia, and the other a separated shoulder, along with both sustaining multiple other injuries.  All of their supplies were lost to the deep chasm, however, within reach of the ledge they discovered some pieces of the petrified wood along with some straps of the leather found with the remains.  Using the leather and wood, the survivors set their injuries and were able to climb out of the gap together.  Both are expected to be hospitalized while they recover, and have not been made available for commenting further.

UPDATE:  In regards to the leather straps and petrified wood found in the crevice.  Authorities have tested the leather straps, and the DNA matches to 98% of common reindeer.  Assessments of the wood pieces connect them to the Lepidodendron, a tree species that is now extinct.  The investigation is ongoing, but authorities have stopped releasing any further details, and are no longer responding to inquiries.  

North Pole expedition looking for answers and solutions to melting Polar Ice 

• Source: The Environmental Dilemma, July 2011 edition
• Author:  Greta Murie
• Title: North Pole expedition looking for answers and solutions to melting Polar Ice  

A group of scientists (composed of leading scientists from several disciplines and nationalities) completed an expedition to the North Pole to study the effects of increased melting of the North Pole’s Ice Cap.  The hope was to test the make up of previously covered ice layers, compared to the top layers.  

While the team was able to collect the data they set out for, the expedition itself took an unexpected turn.  Upon reaching the Geographic North Pole, the team began inspecting an ice ridge that had undergone significant change. Based on previous data, the ridge had decreased in height by approximately 4.8 meters.  As they assessed the ridge, they found a structure only 5 meters beneath the ice.  The structure consisted of some wood, but mostly clay walls.  Initial testing shows the structure to be from before 14,000 years ago.

After investigating other ridges nearby, multiple structures matching the same time period were found.  Most were collapsed in and the team was not able to safely enter and explore these structures.  

However, the 1st building discovered was still standing and the team was able to enter with an acceptable level of risk.  Within the structure, evidence was found that appeared to confirm a small, remote, and ancient civilization. 

Tools were found that appear to be for building and simple construction.  The tools were made of what appears to be some form of unknown metal.  

There were many straps of very old leather.  DNA testing confirmed the straps are made of hide from a deer-like animal. 

The most puzzling piece of evidence was found within a wooden box that had been preserved by the ice.  The box was found beneath what appeared to be flooring, and seem to indicate it was deliberately hidden, and it was covered with intricate carvings and wording that appeared to be some form of Koine Greek.  

Within the box were over 100 scrolls.  Testing confirmed the scrolls were made of a parchment consisting of an organic material matching closely the DNA of Human Beings.  

Most of the scrolls were too damaged by time to read.  However, from the few that were decipherable, linguistic experts have attempted to piece together a historical timeline.  While a great deal of further analysis is needed, it appears some of the scrolls may date back thousands of years and the most recent date translated being approximately 1948 AD.

Below are transcriptions (as closely as can be guessed) of the decipherable scrolls…

Scrolls translation

Scroll 1 - Dates referenced are from before 14,000 BC and appear to depict origins of the civilization, along with some major shift. The language changes and evolves along the scroll.

• The yellow sun’s first dawning, and we were awakened.
• Our way is to be curious.  We do not fear the world …many long journeys to explore far away lands and peoples…always return home. 
• ...An awe-filled world… Joy in the variations of life…variations are strength.
• A strange man has arrived with nothing and starving.  We will bring him away from the brink.
• He remains.  In our travels … his name was known in some places.  By most of these … he is a charitable and giving man. Some share tales of a darkness rarely seen
• He is changing…speaking of an end of time … he bade us … isolate ourselves from the rest of the world, and trust only in him.  He urges a fearfulness of all outsiders … through fear and confusion, we are changing.
• Once we were a joyful people … we have become harsh and colder than the elements around us.  We are afraid. We gave our joy for safety, it is not real.
• He craves adoration.  He plays a deity.  Some play in adoration to survive. The others grow smaller … they try not to be seen.
• He aims to rule all … destroy any that oppose … slow draining and breaking of spirit and body, we have all fallen.
• We strive to maintain our lineage but it provides him sustenance and entertainment.  
• We yearn for the corn and wheat of our ancestors, but there is none here.  No warmth, no heart, no escape.

Scroll 2 - Appears to be a diary from a shepherd of some sort, using a more form of greek (compared to the 1st scroll).

• The deer have grown restless and angry.  The ravings of Lord Nicholas have an intense effect on the animals.  They follow his moods and orders without hesitation… no regard for severity and barbarism.  They wear their harnesses with a look of pride … they forget what the leather straps were born of.  There are no other animals here. 
• Before Lord Nicholas, they were gentle and loving beings.  We revered them as sacred. We do still … their brutality is difficult to watch.  I worry for them.
• A runt was born some months ago.  He was not expected to survive the winter, but he is of a sturdier nature than expected.  
• The weather is not his only abuser … He bends but never breaks.  
• His stature is smaller in every way.  He has unique markings … his fur shifts to a deep red towards his snout.  And even the flesh of his snout has a red tint.  At times I almost believe I see light coming from him. I do not know if I should hide this from Lord Nicholas.
• His Lordship discovered the little one.  He points it out as a weakness.  This is a point of ridicule for the other deer.  Lord Nicholas laughs.  
• Something in the little one’s eyes.  Something grows and moves, but he does not allow it to be seen … I see it’s shadow when his abusers are upon him … I fear what might happen should he ever let it out.

Scroll 3 - Tonight the 10 leave for their yearly journey

• Dusk is here, and the nine leave for the annual journey
• The weather is frightful
• Lord Nicholas has been advised not to take the journey
• He says he cannot be stopped, and we trust in his wisdom
• He is in the manger with the deer.  He is talking with the runt, we do not know what for
• The red faced runt will lead the journey.  Lord Nicholas will use its glow to traverse the elements
• Though he has ridiculed the runt to this day, he now praises its weakness. 
• What was 9, is now 10.  
• They are preparing to leave, and the air is heavy.
• The runt wears a smile … the deer shepherd appears afraid … they will not say what concerns them.
• There is an uneasiness everywhere
• The ten are gone into the white storm.
• Dawn approaches … no sign of the 10
• Lo, a single bell has been heard…
• One of the ten has returned … the runt without harness or sleigh or deer or his lordship … a new scar across his face and chest.
• The runt proclaims his name.  He is Rudolph the Red.
• What was 10, is now 1.
• We weep and give way to time and the inevitable end.

---

LYRICS

Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer

Had a very shiny nose

& if you ever saw it

You would even say it glows

All of the other reindeer 

Used to laugh and call him names

They never let poor Rudolph

Join in any reindeer games

Then one foggy xmas eve

Santa came to say

Rudolph with your nose so bright

Won’t you guide my sleigh tonight

What Santa didn’t know

Was that Rudolph kept a score

& this unexpected chance

Rudolph could not ignore

He’s Rudolph the red…

In the Northeast of Nepal

Rudolph ripped the harness from his chest

And he watched them all fall

Into the East Face of Everest

He’s Rudolph the Red,

He’s Rudolph the Red,

Led them all to their death,

‘Cause he’s Rudolph the Red

He’s Rudolph the Red,

He’s Rudolph the Red,

Led them all to their death, left them there for dead

‘Cause he’s Rudolph the Red, He’s Rudolph the Red!!

Tis the time of year when we come together to break bread and give thanks to our founds for the resplendent over-abundance of lands and food and freedom (just as long as you're white/christian/straight, and preferably, male).  

Oh what a joyous time it is indeed.  We are taught to celebrate the coming together of European refugees and the Indigenous People that were here long before.  If we are being generous, perhaps when those 1st ships landed, there was some civility and kindness amongst all.  But, as history unfolded, whatever civility there was, was replaced by dominance and an invasive nature.  I am no historian, so I can't preach on the details, but so much is common knowledge, that I don't think it's necessary to be a historian to understand the wrongs that have been done in the time between Plymouth Rock, and today.  For this, I do not recognize the thanksgiving holiday.

So, where did John Wick Day come from???  A fair question.  It started last year.  I woke up on thanksgiving day, excited to watch the Macy's Parade…I made it about 10 minutes into the parade, before a feeling of disgust and anger over took me.  I was not prepared for that shift, and my reaction at 8am in the morning was to turn on “John Wick”.  I wanted to see some form of justice.  I wanted to see some form of retribution.  Thus began “John Wick Day” and “John Wick Week” for me, my wife, and our cat.

For many years, I had enjoyed the Macy's Parade, the performances, the pageantry; it always felt old and warm.  Thankfully, I no longer feel tethered to those feelings, and I believe I see the world just a bit more clearly.  Thanksgiving is a celebration written by the victors, like so many other things.  It is not special, it is not an “honor”, it is the result of a narcistic trait that flows through our society.  A need to be important and special, and to be seen as heroes.  

We are not heroes any more than anyone else.  We are as genocidal and violent as any other.  I know this sounds harsh, and I'm sure some may take the stance of “if you hate it so much, why don't you leave it?”.  To that, I would respond with this...  

Humans are flawed, all humans, from the individual to the community…every last one of us has the ability to be as altruistic and as sadistic as the next person.  I accept our history, and what our ancestors did (and what we continue to do).  I accept it, and I am determined to take a different path, and not repeat the brutal cycles we see around us to the best of my ability.  I may fall flat on my face more times than not, but I intend to try all the same.  

It may look like volunteering to work the holiday for my colleagues, volunteering for the community, or just trying to help a neighbor or stranger in a small way.  I suppose, the actions sound an awful lot like what many people do for thanksgiving day, it's the motivation and the intent that is different.  

My regret and shame is that it took me 45 years to get here.  

And so I say, “Happy John Wick Week” everyone!  Go do some good out there.

Spotify Playlist - Enter Pinhead Playlist

Inception:

The final chapter to “Adam the Astronaut”...”Enter Pinhead”.  Grab a drink, fire up the Spotify playlist, and brace yourselves, for I have such sights to show you…

Fair warning, if you do not believe in the supernatural, past lives, mediums, ghosts, or any of the “woo-woo” stuff, this blog may have you rolling your eyes a bit.  If so, I get it…I would only ask that you read with an open-mind, and trust that I’ll bring us around to the point and, hopefully, a fun little read. So, here we go … 

From the jump, I wanted this to be a fun song, but also a song with real depth.  It was a practice in working on the story and message, while being a bit overtly playful.  It was finding little ways to throw some levity to the content in the form of the “Hellraiser” storyline, and leaning into the truly terrifying elements. Whether it was creating a narrative with elements from the plot of the film, or throwing in a couple of direct Pinhead quotes, I wanted this to be a layered experience from start to finish.

Let’s start with the obvious, “Hellraiser”.  The film was released in 1987.  As usual, I was late to the party with this classic body-horror, and I didn’t actually sit to watch it until 2005-ish.  It was one of those movies which was very unsettling to watch, but I also knew I really liked it.  Something about the story, the score, and the visuals, just really resonated with me.  

Since watching it, Pinhead has been one of my favorite “antagonists”. The mythos built around Pinhead and the cenobites, creates an aura that allows him to be terrifying while doing very little.  It’s a bit of a master class in psychological terror…your mind fills the gap left by the narrative.  And, in the end, the visuals may still exceed what your mind created.

Next up, Rachel Stavis (or R.H. Stavis). A truly fascinating individual.  I won’t try to explain her life story and the details of everything she does, as it would take quite a bit, and I’m not totally confident in my own understanding of it all.  To avoid mis-representing her, and if you are interested, I highly recommend her book “Sister of Darkness”; it is sort of an autobiography and gives a good run-down of her work. 

In very short, she’s an exorcist of entities.  She sees things in the world that others do not perceive, and she knows how to help people sever ties from these entities.  I know this probably sounds really far out there for some people, and it did for me as well, in the beginning.  However, my years and experiences have taught me that I perceive just a fraction of the world around me, and to assume I know any significant amount based on my perception is wildly ignorant.  So, when someone tells me they see things that I do not, I am the last in line to argue against them.  

I was actually able to meet Ms Stavis (via zoom) once.  Though I’m keeping the details of our conversation to myself.  I will say, she had more insight and understanding about me and my life than many people I’ve known for years, and I do not think that is a coincidence.  After our meeting, I was a believer in her work, despite not fully understanding it.  Such is faith, I suppose, we choose to believe things we cannot fully grasp.

The last piece of this little puzzle is Unhealthy Attachments.  When I talk about attachments, I’m not talking about human to human attachment exclusively.  Of course, that’s part of it, but I’m also talking about attachment in terms of addiction, and behaviors, and objects we obsess over.  I’m talking about the things that keep us from being the person we truly want to be.  We do our best to move through life happily, but we are imperfect and we stumble. 

Composition:

So, how did reading “Sister of Darkness” lead to the unhealthy attachments, and “Hellraiser”?  Well … In her book, Stavis describes the things she sees, these entities.  One of the forms she often sees, she affectionately named a “Clive”, as in Clive Barker, the director/creator of “Hellraiser”.  She gives it this name because it reminds her of some creature Clive would create.  The entities are attached to people and places, in a very one-sided and unhealthy way.

Lyrically, I wanted to capture the “feel” of struggling to scrape off this foreign thing that digs so deeply into our tender places.  And, even when it’s separated from us, it’s still waiting and looking for its opportunity to re-attach.  As much as we want to believe that we are free forever from some things, the reality is that keeping space from them is the long game work.

Another part of the message was the accountability we have for our actions.  While entities, and addictions and what-not, can have an exceptionally large pull on our inhibitions and ability to make the best decisions … We are still the ones that make the decisions and take the action, and there are consequences to them.  

To be VERY clear…I DO NOT mean to victim-shame, but rather to acknowledge that we are all just doing our best and sometimes it is harder than others; and that none of us are immune to this. No one, not even those people we put oh so very high up on pedestals.  My work within the mental health field, and the homeless community, taught me that none of us are as far away from personal catastrophe as we think.  The courage and strength it takes to stay the course toward who we want to be cannot be overstated, and I am very wary of one that might suggest otherwise.

In regards to the music and song structure for “Enter Pinhead”, I wanted some complexity, but nothing too wild.  So the song structure, as a whole, is fairly basic…

• Intro
• Verse 1
• Chorus
• Verse 2
• Chorus
• Bridge
• Verse 3
• Chorus 
• Bridge
• Outro

I used the same root piece of music for the Intro and Outro, with the outro being an altered version. I wanted to establish a different vibe for this song, while keeping the feel of the rest of the album.  Setting up an atmospheric intro and outro allowed me to really tell a different story in between.    

Most of the riffs came before writing the lyrics, which is common for me.  If memory serves, the intro was written first, which birthed the verse riff.  But, in a unique turn, the melody for the chorus came to me before writing the music for the chorus.  It just kinda flowed from the verse melody, and I figured out the music behind it afterward.  While constructing the chorus music, the bridge flowed from it naturally.  After that, it was about putting the bits together in the optimal configuration…you know, as if it was a mystical puzzle box that when solved correctly, takes you to a realm where the ends of extreme pleasure and extreme pain meet.

One of the more challenging parts of this song was singing it.  Initially, the melody and key was quite uncomfortable for me to sing.  I tried a handful of different approaches to singing it, but eventually just had to trust that through practice, I could get the vocals the way I heard them in my head.  Thankfully, that’s what happened.

In the end, “Enter Pinhead” became a true metal song on ukulele, and it provided a perfect “closer” for “Adam the Astronaut”.  

Lyrics:

I fell into the fray, maybe I jumped in,

You step back, or maybe I pushed you,

Something between us, keeping me distant,

And now you wait, and now you wait for me...

Start shaking, trembling,

Vibrations...you wait for me,

To shake off my passenger

Fear...the great oblivion...

Deconstructing useless defenses,

Weigh me down, keeping me anchored

To this Pinhead, looking to break me,

And now you wait...but, he won't wait for me...

To Start shaking, trembling,

Vibration, you wait for me,

To shake off my passenger,

Fear...the great oblivion...Wait for me, through oblivion

I gotta get out, escape of the ether,

Puzzle box, solved in a panic,

I figured it out, or maybe I fucked up,

A whispering, "we'll tear your soul apart"...

Start shaking, trembling,

Vibration, you wait for me,

To shake off my passenger,

Fear...the great oblivion...Wait for me, through oblivion.

Inspiration:

Hellraiser

Clive Barker 

R.H. Stavis - “Sister of Darkness”

Black Sabbath

Nine Inch Nails

Alice in Chains

Metallica

Queens of the Stone Age

Beastie Boys

Outkast

Rush

Primus

Playlist: Enter Pinhead Playlist

Spotify Playlist - The Climb

Inception: 

The main themes for “The Climb” are simple…resilience, perseverance, and empathy.  This song isn’t as much a story, lyrically, as it is the expression of the themes.  The themes and ideas are simple, and I wanted to keep the song that way.  

“The Climb” came to me in a flurry.  It served as an internal “pep talk”.  Something inside saying “Just keep moving …things are difficult … they may get worse … they may not … either way … do not stop”.  Over the years, I have found myself repeating this on a regular basis.  

At the time of it’s writing, I was burning out at my job (again) and beginning to create art a legitimate endeavor, I was working through my own internal struggles and anxieties (a work that is never ending), the country was neck deep into maga/trump 1.0, and the pandemic was just around the corner.  I was in desperate need of motivation and drive for the world that was directly in front of me and, unknowingly, for what was lying ahead.  

I feel that perseverance and resilience have a lot of connection to faith and hope.  I’m not talking about faith in a glorious white jesus to save us all, and hope that he comes to rescue us in time for the rapture.  I’m talking about faith that the world will always be moving and changing, and while times can be very challenging, there is always a chance (and hope) that easier times are closer than they appear.  

I’m aware this is nothing novel or profound.  It’s common knowledge that life has a way of continuing to challenge us on all fronts, at all levels, and at any time.  While it may be common knowledge, somehow, it’s still easy to forget.  You think you’ve got things reeled in and under control, then the wind changes in an area of the world and shifts the balance in a totally different space; the next thing you know, you’re flailing around trying to figure out where the ground went.  

We can’t control things happening outside of our sphere.  We can’t control the actions others take and what effect they will have on us.  We can’t predict the future.  So, spending a great amount of time on any of these feels a bit pointless.  We make decisions based on the information we have available, and we do the best that we can.  Sometimes it works out, and sometimes it doesn’t, but we continue on all the same. 

“Trust your gut, don't think too much, 

The good days pass, the bad the same, 

Eyes looking up, keep climbing, 

Or you'll get caught up in all of the nothing...“

Music:

I wrote the music, lyrics, melodies, and composition, in about 3 hours.  It was amazing.  I usually take a lot of time to finish a song.  Usually, the ideas or themes will come to me and spark my interest, then it’s a process of looking at different options and trying different approaches.  It often includes getting REALLY weird and REALLY confused, just to circle back to the original idea. However, this time through, it’s like the song was already fully written in the back of my mind, I just had to focus on it and let it move my pen.  Case in point, I’ve been working on this blog post for a few weeks, and many hours, just to end up trimming off most of what I wrote.

On a more conscious level, my reference points in putting together the music, lyrics, and melodies were songs I would play from my favorite albums that were calm and soothing.  Songs like “Oceans” by Pearl Jam, “Nutshell” by Alice In Chains, “Good Times” by Willie Nelson, and several others you’ll find in the playlist I put together.  While, lyrically, they don’t all scream “Resilience, Perseverance, and Empathy”, they do all have a calming effect on me and I can recall days of driving around and listening to them on repeat and getting lost in them.  

The music is quite simple…it’s easily the most simple composition on the EP.  Oddly, that was still a challenge.  With my proclivity to over-think/analyze/complicate things, this song was an effort in really letting the song come to me and not allow myself to “chase it”.

One last note, this is the only song from the EP with an official music video.  My inspiration for the video was the “Pied Piper” fairy tale, with a twist.  Instead of luring children to their death, the “piper” or “uker” was luring people to be the person they always were meant to be. Click here to check it out - Music Video: The Climb (music video) 

Lyrics

Hold on, don't let go 

Of the rope swinging so, 

Violently in the wind, 

You didn't care back then, you don't again... 

Do believe in your dreams, 

Or what's the point? 

Show us your grit, we can wait, 

For the fight, resilient you... 

Trust your gut, don't think too much, 

The good days pass, the bad the same, 

Eyes looking up, keep climbing, 

Or you'll get caught up in all of the nothing... 

It's a natural, a supernatural thing that keeps us moving on It's a natural, a supernatural thing that keeps us moving on…

Inspiration:

“The Boy Raised by Wolves” by Bruce D Perry and Maia Szalavitz

Brene Brown (Author/Scientist)

Pearl Jam (Band/Musicians)

Willie Nelson (Musician)

Sturgill Simpson (Musician)

Otis Redding (Musician)

Playlist: The Climb

Music Video: The Climb (music video) 

Spotify Playlist - Riding Shotgun without a Driver 

TRIGGER WARNING:

Trigger warning:  The following talks about suicide and mental health crises.  Please use discernment as you read, and take care of yourself.

If you, or someone you know, are having thoughts of self-harm or suicide, please reach out to someone you trust and feel safe with.  If you do not have that option, you can call the 24/7 National Suicide Hotline (988) for help.  You are not as alone as it feels.

https://988lifeline.org/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=web&utm_campaign=onebox 

------------------------

UPDATE 6/18/25: 

On 6/18/25, the trump administration announced an end to the 988 LGBTQIA+ hotline.  The 988 main line will still be available for all that are in need, but the specific LGBTQIA+ line will no longer be available.  This was announced on the same day the the SCOTUS ruled in favor of a TN State law banning Trans Kids from treatment.  

This is a hard blow for a community already reeling from an number of setbacks since the trump administration took over.  

Please reach out if you are having a hard time.  I know it's easy to say on my end, but you are not alone.  The National Suicide Hotline (988) can still be a resource for support.  

A QUICK NOTE about a related and active issue in the U.S.:  Per a leaked budget plan, the Trump administration wants to shut down funding for the specialized service of the national suicide prevention hotline for LGBTQ+ teens.  In the “skinny budget” released by the administration leaves the issues unclear and does not clarify intentions.  With Trump's well documented track record of being dishonest, it seems fair to take anything he (or his administration) says with a grain of salt.

What is also well documented is that the LGBTQ+ community is at high risk for suicide.  The suicide hotline is a strong support for people struggling with suicidal ideations and to take away that support is cruel, at best. 

The Trump administration would say the cut is to save “taxpayers money”.  However, Trump and his followers have not been shy about their issues with the LGBTQ+ community, so for me, this feels like a direct and deliberate move to cause further harm and has little to do with saving money.  

As of this writing, congress has approved the budget and it is headed to the senate.  The administration has therefore this action is only a part of the suggested national budget.  If you feel this is a dangerous and harmful idea, I would ask that you call your representatives to ask them not to support this action.

------------------------

INCEPTION:

“Riding Shotgun without a Driver” is about one of my oldest friends, Ashley, and his completion of suicide.  Aside from catharsis of self-expression, writing the song was a practice in figuring out who I was writing ABOUT, and who I was writing FOR.  This song is ABOUT Ashley.  This song is FOR those of us he left behind.  

I tried to make this as honest a song as I could.  It’s incredibly personal to me, and I’m aware that lyrically, it may not make sense to everyone.  The best way I can describe where it came from is to tell you about the events that led to it.  So, here we go…

The Event…

Ashley was one of my oldest friends.  I don’t recall a time when I didn’t know him.  As happens with long friendships, we went through periods of being very close and then periods of rare and inconsistent contact, and then back again.  

At the time of his passing, I had not spoken to Ashley in over a year (aside from a stray text here and there).  I had been working in mental health for over 10 years.  I had experienced losing clients to suicide, and I had experienced losing acquaintances to suicide.  However, I had not experienced losing someone so closely tethered to my life in that way.  

The day Ashley completed suicide is a vivid memory for me in some ways, and in other ways, it’s a dark, gray blur.  I was working full-time at Mobile Crisis, and going to grad-school for a Master’s degree in Social Work.  My job was answering calls from people experiencing suicidal thoughts, homicidal thoughts, or experiencing a mental health crisis that made them a danger to themselves or the community.  I worked the overnight shift, which meant that I slept during the day and got up as most people were starting to settle in for the night.  One of the 1st things I learned about working the night shift was that you had to turn off your phone to sleep uninterrupted during the day.

That evening, my alarm went off and I turned my phone on to find a number of missed calls.  I remember a few calls from my sister, and several from multiple other people.  My immediate thoughts were…”that can’t be good”, and “something has happened to my dad”.  I called my sister 1st, and she told me that Ashley had completed suicide.  I remember my reaction, and frankly, I critique it to this day.  My response to my sister was “Holy shit” and I remember it came out in an almost mocking tone…I still don’t understand that.  I only know that we (as people) have “ideas” of how we will respond to certain things, and then when the moment comes, we do something drastically different.  Oh, how unaware we all are. 

I was able to make a few calls to old friends that I wanted to be sure knew what happened. I spoke to a couple, but I do not remember the conversations very well.

I went to work that night.  Yes, you read that correctly…I found out someone I had known all my life completed suicide hours earlier, and then I went to my job working on a suicide prevention team.  I remember having moments that I thought it might be wise to call out of work, but then I would realize that I would be sitting up all night while Liz slept and that just seemed too lonely.  

I know I took calls through the night, I don’t remember any content from them.  At some point in the middle of the night a coworker looked at me and asked if I was alright.  I told them what happened, and they were so caring and gracious and empathetic.  My whole team worked extra through the night to keep me from having to handle as many calls.  I do not remember driving back home.

The funeral was set a few days later, and Liz and I drove to Alabama.  I had many emotions throughout the funeral.  Some obvious, and some not.  I felt sadness, rage, nostalgia, disgust, pity, and a good handful of others.  A focal point for me during the funeral was the way Ashley’s suicide was talked about…in short, it wasn’t.  His death was called “an accident”, and that’s as close as I recall anything coming to addressing it.  I suppose we can call it an accident, but to me, that was like saying his life was a big accident, and his suicide was the closing of said accident.  

I left the funeral angry and unsettled.  I can appreciate not going into the details of what happened during the funeral, but a lot of my frustration was that the funeral was just an extension of how the community I was raised in treated people.

The Aftermath

As we do these days…I posted about it on social media after the funeral, and was asked to take it down a few different times.  I refused out of spite, spite for not being allowed to have my thoughts/feelings and to express them; out of anger towards the community that did not want to acknowledge what Ashley had done; and out of respect for Ashley and the pain he was in.  I can understand why people feel it may be disrespectful of Ashley to talk about his suicide, and why it might be taken as “justifying” his actions.  That is the way the system worked and operated, so it’s understandable that people would follow what they “know”.  However, by not acknowledging his actions, I believe we are not acknowledging the pain he experienced through his life.  We are not acknowledging the strength it took to carry on through the years.  We can acknowledge these things, and still hold him accountable for the pain he caused.  We are capable of holding contradictory things.

It took me a good number of months to wrap my head around all the different feelings I had.  I had some people tell me I “shouldn’t” be angry, and that I “should” feel this way or that.  This was a major spark for writing the song.  My hope was to illustrate the complex emotions I was feeling in a way that was not trying to justify them, but rather show them in an honest light. 

The Processing

Looking back on it all, one of the things that I struggled with most was feeling so many different emotions, followed by contradictory emotional reactions to them.  For instance, there were times that I would feel relieved.  Relieved that my friend wasn’t in pain anymore, but that would make me feel guilt and shame.  I would feel anger towards Ashley, and that would lead to deep sadness and empathy that my friend was in so much pain, and that would lead to shame that I was not there to help him.  

I suppose I have to admit I still have a bit of anger around all of this.  Anger with Ashley and what he did…Anger towards his life and the things that happened to him that led to such an end…Anger with myself for not staying connected and not knowing my friend was hurting so much…Anger with religion and culture for weaponizing shame and fear, instead of cultivating empathy and acceptance.

For the 1st year or so after Ashley’s death, I had dreams of him multiple times a week.  To this day, I still have frequent dreams with Ashley in them.  They are always pleasant and they always feel old to me.  Often, I am not lucid enough to realize that Ashley is gone, but every now and again, I do.  I’ll say to him that he is gone and this is not real, and then the dream evaporates.  The sadness that comes after is the acceptance that this is the closest I’ll get to my old friend until my time comes to give up the ghost.  

I’ve spent most of my professional career in the mental health field (or a “mental health adjacent” field), and I am still constantly learning and re-learning how little we know about ourselves and about the people around us.

My hope is that others who have lost people to suicide will connect with the song and this writing.  With that in mind, a fear I had in writing this song was that it might cause shame for someone struggling with suicidal thoughts.  That is something that I still fear greatly, and it’s the last thing I would want to come out of my work.  So, if you are reading this and having (or have had thoughts of harming yourself), please know that I do not write all of this to cause more pain or guilt.  I only mean to help and to share my feelings.  

This was my experience, and it was hard, and it is hard.  It is not meant to invalidate what anyone else is dealing with or has experienced.

MUSIC:

The music for this song was one of the 1st pieces of music I ever wrote on a ukulele.  It was simple, and I knew I liked it, but for a long time, I could never put melody and words to it.  Something just told me to commit it to memory, and wait for the inspiration to come.

When the lyrical premise came to me and I started putting together the message, this piece of music quickly became my focus.  The message and emotion of the lyrics was so complex that I wanted the music to feel organic and easy to listen to.  With the music being simple, I also wanted it to be dynamic.  I wanted it to have soft and intimate moments, and then have energy and movement to go with the changing emotional dynamics.  

I thank my producer, Corey Horn, for playing bass and cajon on the recording to give it the movement and energy it needed.

Lyrics

Hey you, I remember laughing,

Too long ago, but I won’t forget,

Counting my scars, testing my mettle,

Anger takes control…

Driving faster…

Pain comes, and it can linger,

Time stops, and the feeling doesn’t fade,

A thousand years of strain lean on a finger,

Shame takes control…

Driving Faster…

Hey you, what made you go and do that?

You knew there’d be no turning back,

You walked away from consequences,

And we watched you take control…

Your Driving Faster…And we’ll hold on.

INFLUENCES

 Pearl Jam (band)

Johnny Cash (artist)

The Flaming Lips (artist)

Arcade Fire (artist)

The Headlights (band)

Radiohead (band)

PLAYLIST

This playlist is a bit unique compared to others I've put together.  Instead of only being songs that inspired my writing of this one, I made this playlist with songs that remind me of my friend.  

It’s worth pointing out that Ashley and I often had dramatically different music tastes.  Many of my fond memories of Ashley include riding around and listening to music.  He had a few songs that were “non-negotiable listening” when driving around. Most of them I liked just fine, but there’s one song…one song that I despise, to this day.  It’s also a song that brings about a flood of nostalgic memories of Ashley, memories that make me smile and therefore, I can’t claim to “hate” the song.  The song in question???  “The Weight” by The Band.

Here is the link to the Spotify playlist again.  I hope you enjoy it and I hope that this is helpful.  

Spotify Playlist for "Riding Shotgun without a Driver" 

INCEPTION:

“Adam the Astronaut Pt 2: Splitting the Adam” follows our cosmotic journeyman spinning out of control into deep space with only his imaginary friend to keep him company.  In Adam, Pt 1, the idea was that he might go on through the vacuum for eternity.  Adam, Pt 2 follows the idea that, even in the vast emptiness of space, he had to collide with something at some point.  From there, the theme of “change” began to emerge.  Change, in a few different ways…  

I remembered an interview I saw with Neil DeGrasse Tyson.  He was talking about theories of what happens as you enter a Black Hole and move beyond the Event Horizon.  One that always stuck with me was, “Spaghettification”.  If you’re not familiar, imagine falling into a black hole, feet 1st…the force of gravity increases so quickly that there is a drastic difference in the force you feel on your head as opposed to your feet.  The further in you fall, the intensifying force of gravity stretches your body out on an atomic level and ultimately turns you into long strands of atoms.  At these depths, the rules of time and space and light and gravity no longer operate in the way we experience them.  This was all very fascinating and terrifying to me.  

What happens here, and how/if you get out is unknown and entirely theoretical…which is where I took some liberties.  I imagined Adam being pulled apart, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally, by some incomprehensible (but deliberate) force.  After being pulled apart, Adam is reconstructed anew.  Reconstructed the same, but different.  

I believe that we are always changing in some area or another.  I have changed since writing this song back in 2019, and I hope to be different by the time I wake up tomorrow.  The idea that change means we “leave behind” a former self, feels too simple and short sighted for me.  I believe that change represents the culmination of our life experiences up to this very moment that you are reading these words.  It is inevitable…fear it, run from it, pray against it…it (ironically) is one of the few consistencies of this life we have to lean on.  So, let us embrace it, and try to be more curious of progress and moving forward into the unknown.

MUSIC:

Much like “Adam, Pt 1”, I really wanted this song to be unique.  Structurally, it’s not all that odd, but I did manage to throw a few time changes into it, and an extended moving bridge.  When I thought about both songs (“Adam, Pt 1” and “Adam, Pt 2”), I wanted them to be experienced together as one story.  At the same time, I wanted them to be able to stand alone (which is why I made them 2 separate tracks on the album).  

If we are getting more precise and technical about it (which is not exactly my forte)…Here is how I counted out the different riffs/parts…

The verses are alternating measures of 5/8 and 7/8 timing…The chorus is 7/8…And the bridge moves to a 4/4. 

While “Adam, Pt. 1” took years to come to fruition, “Adam, Pt. 2” was built and completed within a few weeks. The momentum of completing “Adam, Pt.1” made flowing directly into “Adam, Pt. 2” almost effortless.  If only all things in life could be so ease, amiright?

INFLUENCES:

Interstellar (film)

The Abyss (film)

Tool (band)

Neil DeGrasse Tyson (scientist)

Stephen Hawking’s “A Brief History of Time” (book)

Rush (band)

• Cygnus X-1 (song)
• Hemispheres (song)

Radiohead (band)

• Paranoid Android (song)

Sturgill Simpson (artist)

SPOTIFY PLAYLIST: Enjoy the playlist I put together that includes a number songs related to “Adam” and/or inspired “Adam”…

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6b1nAXrso2hq3yxQU7K2IZ?si=Sa5FR4P-REib5EyGjK0shw

Track 1 - Adam the Astronaut, Part 1: Death of an Astronaut.

INCEPTION…

This song was literally a decade in the making.  The idea/story began after watching “A Space Odyssey: 2001”.  There is a particular scene where AL (the AI computer in the space ship) flings one of the astronauts out into the infinite void of space.  

It was a terrifying thought to imagine flying through space, spinning out of control, and with no way to stop…the idea that your body may go for hundreds of thousands of years before eventually colliding with some object and finally bring about your end.  I imagined you might black out quickly (hopefully), and you would obviously run out of oxygen, but my goodness…what a few excruciating minutes.

Over the following few years after, different ideas for music and melody and lyrics came to me, but they never quite landed.  In short they just felt empty and without purpose.  

During that time, life moved as life does.  A particular event occurred that still lingers close to me and probably will until the ultimate end.  One of my oldest friends, Ashley, completed suicide.  Remnants of that event are littered throughout this album.  But, with particular regard to “Adam the Astronaut, pt 1”, the theme of “Isolation” and the feelings of frustration toward the world Ashley and I had grown up in, began to form.  I began to picture an astronaut, alone in the dark, with only the memory of their friend to keep them company.  An astronaut deliberately leaving all they know to find a place they belong. From there, purpose was identified, and it really took off (no pun intended).  I know what it feels like to feel alone, and to feel like you don't really fit in the world you know.  It's uncomfortable to realize that all you know is to be uncomfortable, and thus, the unknown becomes a comfort to some degree.  I would argue that the world/society/culture I grew up in was designed only for the comfort of a small handful, and from that argument came…"Maybe I'm not alone out here".

MUSIC…

Song structure is always something I enjoy playing with, and finding unorthodox ways of doing things.  A little extension here, cutting something short there, change the time signature in this spot…It makes things less accessible sometimes, but when it's done well, it sticks with you.  Considering the story of the song and the context, it felt like a great opportunity to really do something different.  I'll say, I'm not the most technical writer, player, etc.  I know enough to know when I'm “breaking an established rule” of songwriting, but beyond that, I'm not very knowledgeable.  

I am a big fan of Rush, and deliberately went to listening to their early work.  Specifically the album “A Farewell to Kings”, and more specifically, the album's closing song “Cignus X-1”.  If you haven't listened to this song, and if you are a fan of progressive rock/metal, I highly recommend it…it's a bananas combination of time changes, breakdowns, build ups, and nuance…I just love it. The song called to me for the unorthodox structure, and for the lyrical content that is not unrelated to “Adam the Astronaut”.  

I view the song, musically, as 1 piece of music, repeated 3 times (with a slight variation at the end).  The opening “riff” was the first part of the music that I wrote, and the rest followed naturally and quickly.  

The final product includes a couple of time changes and dropping a few bars short of the standard, along with a couple of shifts in intensity/pacing, and with less discernible “verse”, “chorus”, and “bridge” elements.  It's weird and I'm proud (perhaps to a fault).

As often happens for me, once I had an idea for the music, structure, melodies, and story, putting it all together was fast and organic.  I find that with many of my songs, especially the more complex ones, I have to let them “marinate” for a bit while I probe different ideas and directions.  It's not an exact science, but it is certainly a practice of trial and error.  Furthermore, it doesn't always take 10 years, but I wouldn't say it's uncommon for me to take a few years to get from Song Inception to Song Actualization.

INFLUENCES…

Many of the songs I write have at least few very direct influences I'm pulling from.  I won't go into the details of what exactly influenced me on the items, but here's the big ones I referenced for “Adam the Astronaut, Part 1: Death of an Astronaut” (in no specific order)…

• Rush
• The Flaming Lips
• Neil DeGrasse Tyson
• Stephen Hawking
• 2001: A Space Odyssey
• David Bowie
• Tool

Spotify Playlist…

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6b1nAXrso2hq3yxQU7K2IZ?si=Sa5FR4P-REib5EyGjK0shw 

January 2025 marked 4 years since I released my 1st EP, “Adam the Astronaut”.  While I continue putting together my sophomore EP, “The Kitty Kronicles”, I thought it might be fun to revisit “Adam”.  

I want to share more details about each songs on the album, and the album as a whole.  Over the next several blog entries, I'll talk about each song and share some Spotify playlists that include songs related to (and inspiring for) each track.

“Adam” was my 1st run at putting together an album front to back.  It was quite a learning process and quite satisfying.  

While I work toward writing up the next few blog entries, are there any specific things you would like to know about how the album came to be?  Really, ask me anything…where the idea for “Adam” came from?  Influences leading into the album?  Approach to recording?  Why I think anyone might care???  Truly, I'm an open book.

You can listen to the album here on my page, or…

Here's links to my spotify page, and my youtube page, to listen to the album…
SPOTIFY - https://open.spotify.com/artist/4SWaoEqRDCT7xnEyFa5Vwt?si=NxIUpeYLSi6ldmDte_S0Fg
YOUTUBE - https://www.youtube.com/user/gfunk1980ful

Hi there!!  Looks like you've found the pages of my inner monologue.  I thought it would be best to layout some expectations….you should prepare topics to range from existential spiraling, to my love of professional wrestling, to haikus about coffee, to politics, to reviews of classic novels and horror movies, and everything in between.

With that in mind, I suppose this should be where I tell you all about my opinions and why they are profound and why you should care…but, I don't really think that matters.  I'm looking at this little “Blogging venture” more as a publicly cathartic practice of documenting my thoughts, as opposed to a place you need to “Open your mind, and see ‘The Real Truth'".  

How often do we hear that phrase, “The real truth”?  It's everywhere, and so many people seem to be so confident that they have it.  It'd be fascinating, if it weren't so ridiculous.  The amount of contradictory information that passes through our neurons on a daily basis, makes it impossible to “KNOW” much about anything.  

In another way and in my own personal view, I believe there are many “Real Truths” and they can all exist…of course, that can make it tricky to land on my own firm belief…particularly when times are highly oppositional like they are now.  Fear makes us want to have solid ground to brace for an unavoidable impact.  It's basic instinct and logic, but if I can ever figure out how to move with the “shifting of the soil” (as Puscifer so elegantly states), it seems that life in general could be easier.

Alas, I have not found that level of balance (physically, emotionally, or otherwise).  So, for now, the search for grounding is ever growing and moving.  Who knows, maybe I'll find it in one these little musings in the future.  Won't that be exciting? 

In any event, I thank you for reading.  And, if you're rolling your eyes and shaking your head…I can't say I blame you, and I thank you all the same.