What's with the Facepaint?

“What’s with the facepaint?” (as of July 2026)

As you might have imagined, I get asked this question a fair amount.

Like many things, there are a number of different reasons I use facepaint. Some reasons are surface-level and very simple, and some are a bit heavier and more complex.

In the name of transparency, and Disability Pride Month, I figured I’d elaborate.

Before getting into it all, I think it’s important to note that some things take time to work their way out and, as I write this, I’m not totally sure I have a full grasp of my drive to use the paint. Some of the reasons I’ll list below overlap, or may seem contradictory, but they are parts of me that just “know” it’s what I’m supposed to be doing, and I want to allow those parts space to create without having to justify it.

With that being said, I’ll start with what I think is an obvious influence…

1. Heavy Metal, Art Rock, Comic Books, & Professional Wrestling.

Since I can remember, I’ve enjoyed comic books, fantasy stories, and theatrics. Whether is was reading the newest and weirdest comic book I could find as a pre-teen, getting sucked into the story and aesthetics of fantasy or horror film, watching Finn Balor crawl to the ring in his demon paint, or watching David Bowie perform in any of his characters, I have always loved an enigmatic character. Half the fun for me was in trying to figure out what they were doing, and what they were about to do.

I do not claim to be on the same level as my influences, but rather, I hope my approach is a humble compliment to them. If at any point, I leave someone asking, “what the hell is going on?”, then it’s a success for me.

Without going into detail, here are few of the major influences I pulled from in some form or another. If you aren’t familiar with them, you should check them out:

Finn Balor (WWE wrestling name), aka Prince Devitt (Independent wrestling name)
David Bowie
Comic books from the late 80s to the early 90s
Horror movies in general
Tool

With this in mind, let’s dive a bit deeper….Let’s talk about, Attention…

2. Attention

Having a physical disability can be a very isolated and distanced experience, despite efforts to connect and fit in. It certainly brings its own truckload of baggage to daily living.

A bit of that baggage is, one living with a physical disability is never at a loss for attention (both passive and active) when in public. For me, oftentimes it’s not the kind of attention I want. It can feel full of pity, or sympathy. It can feel harsh, and distant. It can feel well-intended, but mis-guided. It can be an invasion of personal space, or a quiet void in the crowd.

There are times it feels like paranoia. A feeling of being watched with no real evidence to show it, and yet other times, it’s painfully clear there is an audience.

Then, there are times that I actually do need help, times that I need to ask for assistance, times that I despise.

Where I’m going with this is, I am not always able to control the attention I draw, but the facepaint gives me some control over it. In a sense…dawning the facepaint is something that I “Do” to direct attention, a physical disability is something I “Have” that pulls attention.

3. When is the mask on, and when is it off?

When I think about the facepaint and what it represents to me, I see the paint as a more true representation of myself. For another way of looking at it, the paint is an un-masked version of me, as opposed to the version I am most days.

I have always had a feeling of needing to fit in to the best of my ability. This requires no small amount of self-awareness and focus on the environment around me. In that way, I’m always wearing a mask of some sort in public. My version of this is unique to me, but that does not mean my struggle is.

My mask is one of normalcy, and equality, and the feeling that I’m lucky to be involved with the world around me at all. Underneath that can be a feeling that I should be happy just to be allowed to be in the room with “the table”, much less have a seat at it. This is a sentiment anyone in a disenfranchised community or group can likely relate to.

By actively presenting in a way that causes me to “stick out” more, it helps me use that focus and energy in a different way, a way that feels more comforting and soothing than I can describe.

4. It’s Fun

It really is fun to put on the facepaint. It’s fun to look at a blank canvas before each show, and let it come together however it will. Certainly, I’ve developed a bit of a guideline for the design, but each time is its own, and it will not be reproduced again once I take it off.

Seeing blank stares turn into smiles from the beginning of the set to the end is a magical thing. It really helps in supporting my belief that we are all just creatures of community and we are just trying to find ways to connect with something. We may have glaring differences, but there are always going to be more commonalities.

And, that’s it in a nutshell. Does any of this resonate with you? Do you have a unique mask you put on to get through the days?